Obsession (xi)

Part XI
Deborah Conway: For all the wrong reasons (1.6MB)

A week later and I hadn’t heard anything from Sam. I was furious and frustrated. I couldn’t keep ringing his home. It wasn’t fair on his housemates. But I needed to know what was going on. I needed to understand. Why was I never good enough?

It was Saturday night and the club was packed, as per usual. And I was seriously trying to forget how awful I was feeling. I danced alone on the dancefloor, turning my back to the men that approached me. I didn’t want to know them, I just wanted to not feel anything.

On one of my trips to the bar I bumped into Herb. He looked like he had been drinking all afternoon, and his eyes had that slightly far away quality, as if he was being led through his own fairytale fantasy. When he saw me he laughed a childlike laugh and rushed over to give me a huge bear hug.
I looked behind him. "You here on your own?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"Where are the others?"
"Dunno, we were going to a party, but I lost them, so I came here instead."

Herb was the rock star of the group. I had no idea if he could play a note. But with his looks, he didn’t need to. He was about my height, 5’9", 5’10", slim, with shoulder length curly brown hair. His skin and eyes hinted at the Moari heritage of one of his grandparents. Clothes sat on him in a way that could make anything look good. Leather wristbands brought attention to his masculine strong hands. He could have any woman he wanted. And frequently did. I’d never seen him arrive with a woman, and rarely saw him leave without one.

It was nice to have someone there to drink with, to dance with. I was determined not to ask after Sam at all, and we were having too much fun to think about anyone else. We were both drinking a lot, almost a challenge to see who could outpace the other.

Herb suddenly began to look unwell. His face was ashen and he seemed to be having trouble balancing. I instantly thought of his diabetes.
"Get me outside," he begged, and I propped him up and gently guided him down the stairs, into the cold night.
Once outside, Herb’s colour improved a bit.
"Are you OK? Do you need me to do anything?" I asked, looking into his face, my arm still under his in case he needed support again.
"I’m fine now. Just needed some fresh air."

"Come on," I said, guiding him across the road, "let’s go sit on the beach for a while." I was still worried about him, and we sat propped against the base of the wall that dropped from the walkway down to the sand. It was cold against the stone wall, and I huddled next to Herb a bit, rubbing his back gently, as we both stared out to the breakers.

Laughing voices would pass by, drunken shouts, girlish squeals, but we were unseen directly below them, in the dark shadows.

"Sam’s an idiot, you know?" he said out of the blue. I winced a little. Sam had been far from my thoughts, for a little while.
"Yeah, well, I’m sure he has his reasons. Maybe I’m just shit in the sack." I joked.
"Well, some women think they’re pretty fantastic. When they aren’t so good," Herb said seriously.
I looked at him. Was he shit-stirring me? He gave me a cheeky grin.
"Like kissing, some chicks think they’re shit hot kissers."
"Hmmm, well, I didn’t think I was that bad. Actually, I thought I was pretty good."
"Well Sam did say you kissed great, but what does he know."
"Whereas you would know a good kiss when you get one."
"Too fucking right."

I leant forward and kissed him, feeling out his lips, their softness, their taste.
"And how was that," I asked.
"Well… I’ve had better, but it wasn’t terrible," he taunted me.
"Wasn’t terribly, huh. OK then, how about this," and I cupped his face with my heads, teasing his tongue with mine, gently biting at his lips, pulling him closer as his response to my kiss became more frenzied, as we jostled over who was controlling the kiss.
"And that one?" I breathily whispered.
"Oh yeah, getting waaaaay better."

It felt so good, in that moment, to feel sexy again. To feel the natural reaction of a man’s body appreciating me. And when Herb whispered into my ear, "You know what would make me feel MUCH better," and guided my hand down to his belt, I knew exactly what he wanted. I knelt over his lap and began to unbuckle his belt.